... and the drinks to pair with it.
Step 1: Get Frustrated
All good DIY renovations and repairs start with a good old helping of frustration. Your ceiling is falling, the cabinet door fell off one more time, your son trips over the raw edge of you shitty 1980s fireplace and nearly cracks his skull open on the Dynasty-era oversized marble tiles.
Are there people you could pay to fix this third concern? Sure. But who has that kind of money right now? We are in the middle of a pandemic, my pay has been cut, and my child's safety is at stake, so I decide to test the waters just to see if this is something I can feasibly do.
I start by placing a flat putty knife in between the hardwood floor (oh yes, they tiled directly onto the hardwood floor) and shimmying it to separate the floor and tile gently. The tile begins to separate and release, but I run into a tough spot. I grab the hammer and tap the putty knife handle. The whole piece of marble, along with what appears to be a glob of Thin-Set mortar, pulls off the floor.
This is a good start. But at this point, the baby was up from his nap, so I can’t continue. I put the tools away and planned to continue after his bedtime.
Step 2: Pour Yourself a Drink
Once the baby goes down for the night, I bring my tools back out, look at the fireplace, and decide I need a drink if I am taking on this whole project. We are now what feels like an infinite number of days into quarantine, and I’ve been mixing cocktails nightly, but now I want something a little more project-appropriate. A quick Google search for classic cocktails turns up Harry MacElhone of Harry's New York Bar in Paris and his 1927 book Barflies and Cocktails Perfect! I find a drink, pour it, and continue on my way.
Recipe from the Barflies and Cocktails. Image from the 1927 version.
Monkey Gland
A delicious cocktail I highly recommend. It is incredibly worth it to use homemade grenadine.
1 dash Absinthe,
1 teaspoon grenadine
1/2 oz orange juice
1/2 oz Gin
Absinth rinse a cocktail glass. Shake all other ingredients, and strain into glass. Enjoy.
Step 3: Smash Some Shit
I begin hammering off the tiles using the spatula and hammer method. The small tiles are coming off quickly, but the big tiles are resistant. I need more leverage. Despite my best efforts, going the gentle route just isn't working. While acknowledging that I am risking damage to the very thing I am trying to save, I grab a flat head screwdriver and hammer to get a more centralized force behind each blow. I smash that shit apart. It is amazingly effective for quick removal.
Recipe from ‘Harry’ of Ciro’s A B C of Mixing Cocktails by Harry MacElhone (1923)
Absinthe Cocktail
Literally the first recipe in the book, because when you are busy smashing shit, you don’t have time to carefully scour a book…also my husband loves absinthe. Adapted for modern cocktail measurements.
1 oz Absinthe
1/2 oz gin
1/2 oz simple syrup
2 dashes orange bitters
2 dashes angostura bitters
Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker, and shake until cold.
Step 4: Get Frustrated… Again
Equally amazing as the quick results is that this hammer and flathead method causes very little long-term damage to the hearth underneath. There is just the matter of cleaning the tile.
After smashing is complete there is still a significant portion of leftover thin-set on the tile beneath, as well as not one but TWO different kinds of carpet glue on the tiles. I am going to start with the glue even though you can see from the pictures I did the thin-set first; if I were to do it again, I would start with glue for ease of removal.
Carpet glue from the 1950s (pre-retiling) in the back, and 1980s (post-retiling) in the front.
After trying multiple methods, including a heat gun, dry chissle, and light sanding, it is Goo-Gone that finally does the trick. I let the product sit for about 20 minutes and then use the small putty knife to scrape off the glue. It takes a little elbow grease, but it works, much better than I ever expected.
Pro-Tip: If you do use this method, just be sure to wash all the Goo-Gone off afterward, or the acid will keep eating away at what it touches.
Now I am frustrated...again. This hearth is beautiful. The colors match my Arts and Crafts style house, and there is no raw edge for the baby to slip on. Why the fuck did anyone put such inappropriate tile over it in the first place? Is it possible for me to save the rest of the fireplace? And how do I now get the remnants of the Thin-Set off the hearth without destroying the finish?
I think I might need to mix another drink, but I am growing a bit tired of Harry’s cocktails and want to mix it up. So back to the internet I go.
Step 5: More Research
Now for the Thin-Set. According to some Googling, vinegar reacts with thin-set and will eat away at it. Vinegar also won’t destroy glazed tile, but it should not be used on natural stone (such as marble) as it will start to dissolve it. However, I don’t care about damage to the marble tile, and they are breaking as they come off anyway.
I put some vinegar in a spray bottle, spray down the hearth, and voilà, the thin-set audibly starts to fizz, and I can scrape it off without scratching the tiles. This gives me hope for the rest of the fireplace.
Tom Bullock and his book, Ideal Bartender
In my search for a new drink, I come across a 1917 cocktail book written by Tom Bullock, a once-famous bartender born in 1873 Kentucky.
In his time, he was an incredibly well-known and revered mixologist. He found fame when he worked at the St. Louis Country Club. His cocktails—especially his juleps—were admired all around the country. While mint juleps are the most common, I am all out of mint, so I opt for Bullock’s Overall Julep—St. Louis Style. It is sublime.
A delicious, if intoxicating Julep. Perfect for hot nights of fireplace restoration. Just make sure you don’t drink it too quickly
Overall Julep
A “Wineglass” used to be a standard unit of measurement of 2 oz. I have adapted the recipe for current standard cocktail mesurments.
Photo taken by my husband, who at this point has become the official cocktail scribe. (Bonus preview of the work to come!)
1.5 oz Rye Whiskey
1.5 oz Gin
1 oz grenadine
1/2 or 1/2 oz lemon juice
1/2 or 1/2 oz lime juice
Club soda
Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker and shake until chilled. Pour into a Collins glass filled with ice and top with club soda.
Step 6: Plan the Attack
Only being able to work when the baby is in bed, we are nearly a week into this already. I have my hammer, my flat-head screwdriver, and a spray bottle of vinegar. I want to start in the place with the least resistance so I can get a foothold. I inspect the inside of the fireplace and notice the original tiles on top curve down, whereas the marble ones go straight. This creates a pocket of space to start prying away at this awful façade. I spray underneath with vinegar and let it sit, and then begin to hammer.
I have miscalculated.
While I manage to remove the first large tile, I have broken the corner off one of the tiles. Nothing was supporting the bottom portion of the curved tiles, and even though these original tiles are thick and strong in a way that thin marble just can't be, it has cracked. I remove the marble tile and the broken original piece. I save the piece to reattach later, but from then on make sure I am not starting in the weak spots.
While I am sad about the tile, the drink was delicious and softened the blow. I wonder why I had never heard of Tom Bullock before. He was clearly important enough to have written a cocktail book in 1917, and he served presidents. How could he have been forgotten by time?
The answer is obvious. You knew the answer as well as I did the moment you saw his picture. America forgot Bullock because he was black.
Being a black bartender in the US during the early 1900s was a complicated profession. Bars in the south were differently segregated than those in the north. In the north black bartenders served at black patronized bars, and white bartenders served at white bars. Yet, in the south, black bartenders were almost revered for their skills and frequently served in white-only bars. Their status in southern bars has been described as "privileged.” It cannot be overstated that while black bartenders certainly held a higher position than other black people in the south, they were still kept solely in service positions and were never treated as equals. It did, however, give them an interesting societal view. For example, one of Bullock's biggest fans was George Herbert Walker, grandfather, and great-grandfather to the Bush presidents. Walker even wrote the introduction to Bullock's book, stating, "I doubt he has erred in even one of his concoctions."
Step 7: Break Out in Hives
I continue to scrape and chizzle away at the marble tiles that cover the original Arts and Crafts tiles. Some are harder than others to remove. It appears the people who did this travesty of a reno didn’t really know what they were doing. For example, not all of the tiles were applied with grooved Thin-Set; some had it just slathered on. Additionally, when tiling over tile, you are supposed to scuff the original tile so the Thin-Set will adhere. They did not do this. I am the beneficiary of their shoddy work, as it makes the marble lift off more easily and preserves most of the original tile. There are some dings. The force I have to use ends up scraping a few of the original tiles. The glaze has chipped away in a few spots, but I will take a few imperfections over the awful white marble that covered it any day.
At this time, I also start to break out in hives all over my body. I am not sure initially what causes them, but it becomes apparent over time that there is something in the dust of this project to which my body is reacting. Every night when I would go take a hot shower after the demo, my pores would open and let more stuff in. I am now popping Benadryl each night to try and keep the itching down so I can sleep.
Who knows what shit is in this 1980s-era thin-set; this country isn't always great on safety regulations. For example, did you know asbestos isn’t technically nationally banned in the US? We managed to ban the sale of alcohol for years, destroying people's businesses and livelihoods, but can’t manage safety regulations for building materials in a timely fashion.
In fact, prohibition hit just three years after the publication of Bullock’s book. Between being a literal second-class citizen who was not allowed to sit at the bar where he served, and now an utter lack of alcohol, Bullock's legacy and book were all but forgotten by white America. It was the first and last book published by an African-American author for 100 years.
Step 8: A Labor of Love
The fireplace takes longer than I thought. While I planned this to be a two or three-week reno, things have gotten in the way, and the chizzling took longer than expected, so we are now working on weeks 3 or 4. I have lost count. It is truly a labor of love.
Nearly a century after it was first published, Cocktail Kingdom republished Bullock’s Ideal Bartender. It took the publishers ten years just to find a copy to republish. Meanwhile, other cocktail books of the time, such as Harry McElhone’s books have continued to be easy to find both digitally and in print publications.
Ideal Bartender (1917)
Pequot Semer
Another classic from Bullock to help me muddle through the endless chipping and cleaning. Measurements, once again, adapted for modern bartending.
Bonus preview of the finished fireplace.
1/2 oz pineapple juice
1/2 oz orange juice
2 oz gin
Juice of 1 lime
1 dash grenadine
Sprig fresh mint
Seltzer water for finishing
Muddle ingredients in Collins glass, will with ice, and top with seltzer.
Step 9: Acceptance and Defiance.
I accept that the previous renovators had their reasons for defacing this fireplace. They wanted modern and sleek but didn't want to pay for it. So they bought cheap, thin marble, employed the fastest methods to put it up, and didn't care to make sure their work was done correctly. I can accept this, understand it, and still, it is not an excuse for doing such a shit job. In fact, tiles that I think should pop off easily don’t, and others just randomly fall to the ground with the slightest touch, just missing my feet. (These were nearly 10” x 10” marble tiles, some apparently barely hanging onto the original ones below, and most heavy with sharp edges.)
Step 10: The Final Touches
The demo is done, and now all that is left is some final touches and clean up. This, of course, takes way longer than it should have. I am still left with the few pieces of tile that broke and even a small sliver that remained glued to the dreadful marble. I start by soaking that piece of marble that has the chip of tile in it. It is the only tile that chipped, and I am determined not to lose this small piece. I spend three hours with a set of dental tools purchased from Target, excavating it out. I finally manage to get it. My husband is impressed and also amazed that I was willing to spend so long on just a chip. But, with so much time already spent on this project, it is important to make the effort and return the fireplace to its original beauty.
Two other tiles fell off with the marble during the processes. These need to be cleaned, one glued back together, and then both reattached. Once I finish cleaning the individual pieces, I clean the face and set to work reattaching these pieces.
Luckily I keep Thin-Set and Krazy Glue on hand at all times. I attach the broken tiles back together, and also reattach the chip, and a cracked corner piece. I lay Thin-Set on the pieces that fell off. The mortar needs twenty-four hours to set, and then I can grout. Keeping the child away from the fireplace during this time was a challenge, but we made it work.
I need only a small amount of off-white grout to match the existing grout. My godmother, who is similarly DIY-inclined, provides me with the material. I then have to clean the tiles four more times to get all the grout haze off. I go through a Costco size tub of vinegar during the whole process, and it could still use a good cleaning, but it is done.
Conclusion
In the 103 years since my fireplace was able to breathe fully, it appears that only two more cocktail books by black authors have come out in America. Tiki: Modern Tropical Cocktails by Shannon Mustipher, released in 2017 (yes, a full 100 years after Bullock’s) and Drink: The Ultimate Cocktail Book by Kurt Maitland, in 2019.
While doing something gently and with care is a worthwhile technique, it is not always effective. Sometimes you need to smash the shit out of it, or just throw the whole thing out and start over. Obviously we still have work to do. We want to get rid of the wall of mirrors, add wood trim to the edges of the fireplace to cover the raw edges, and install built-ins on either side. But progress has been made, and that is something.
Time to pour a drink, and start planning the next project.